Additional Materials
Find information on many of the topics I cover in WTF. I’ve simply listed my Big Ideas and Dad Tips here for easy reference, but the headings provide external links to helpful sources for more details.
If you’ve found additional sources of good information please feel free to send them to me at david@welcometofatherhood.com and I will update these sections with better resources as they are brought to my attention.
Big Ideas
Here are the 13 Big Ideas that I cover in great detail in WTF. As I explain early on in the book, each of these ideas should be considered as similar to sequential software upgrades to your brain’s brand new Dad Operating System that you should start to work with as soon as the shock of hearing “Guess what? We’re pregnant!!!” wears off. They all follow from and build upon each other, and integrating them into your thinking as you go along will definitely help you achieve our two main goals from here on out – getting better connected to Mama and her journey, and better prepared for Baby and everything that follows.
B1. Instant Mama - Pregnancy turns your lady into an Instant Mama.
B2. Different World - It’s a radically different world today for pregnancy, childbirth, and baby-rearing.
B3. Dad Zone - Dude Zone to Dad Zone, and avoiding the Dud Zones.
B4. Biggest Deal - Her becoming pregnant is the BIGGEST DEAL EVER IN HER WHOLE LIFE up to this point.
B5. Anxiety - Mama may be feeling, and expressing, a ton of ANXIETY right now.
B6. Mom Comms - Mom Comms and the Love Languages in action.
B7. Birth Space - Understanding the Birth Space concept will greatly improve your experience of the next 9 months, and Mama’s too.
B8. Teamwork - Understand the crucial difference between “Teaming Up” and “Teaming Out”.
B9. The Birth Story - The Birth Story is going to be the biggest narrative in your and Mama’s lives for a long time.
B10. New Mantra - Your new mantra here is Be Attentive, Be Calm, Be Competent.
B11. PPD is real - Post-Partum Depression is real, and a real danger to all involved.
B12. Own Your Role - Own your role as Dad, and everything that comes with it.
B13. Crying Baby - The power of a crying baby, parts 1 and 2.
Dad Tips
These are the 28 specific Dad Tips that make up the bulk of WTF. These are all practical tips that focus on specific actions that will boost you further into the Dad Zone, boost your Man Card credits, and show Mama (and all her friends and family) how awesome you are doing on your journey to Fatherhood. They are mostly just simple and time-specific tasks that come and go as the pregnancy journey from bump to Baby unfolds, and I explain them thoroughly with lots of helpful examples as you begin each new phase of the adventure. These specific Dad Tips are the tools you will use to achieve our two main goals here of getting better connected to Mama and better prepared for Baby each step along the way to Fatherhood and beyond.
D1. Big 4 Ideas - Keep the above mentioned Big Ideas in mind at all times as you chart your course forward.
D2. Weeks - Know how many weeks pregnant she is at all times.
D3. Separate - Ask Mama on the daily how she is feeling today, and then ask her separately how Baby is doing.
D4. Not an “It” - From this point forward always refer to Baby as he/she/they and never “it.”
D5. Double Credits - You get Double Dad Card Credits for being the one to make suggestions on anything related to getting ready for Baby.
D6. Birth Class - Sign up for a Birth Class.
D7. Doula - Dude, hire a Doula!
D8. Due Date - STOP talking about “due date” and START talking about “expected arrival.'“
D9. Gift Tracker - Put yourself in charge of the Gift Tracker Spreadsheet.
D10. Top 10 - Top 10 Baby Registry items (for Dads).
D11. Field Trip - Take a field trip with Mama to wherever you expect to give birth to Baby.
D12. Go Bag - Get your “Go Bag” 100% stocked and ready.
D13. Birth Plan - The Birth Plan and related decisions - know your choices.
D14. Code Words - Figure out your Code Words for Red Light, Yellow Light, and Green Light and start practicing them now.
D15. Birth Video - Watch at least 3 hi-def, 1080p “Birth Videos with Mama, Including at least 1 C-Section.
D16. Water Breaking - Her “water breaking” is NOT an emergency.
D17. Weird Baby - Your baby might look a little weird when they first come out, do not freak out.
D18. Cradle Hold - Know how to hold your brand new baby!
D19. Celebrate Mama - Give Mama all the love right now.
D20. No Idea - You have NO IDEA what you are doing, and that’s 100% OK.
D21. Growth Chart - Height, Weight, and Head Circumference are somewhat silly numbers that produce silly conversations.
D22. Don’t Take It Personally - Don’t take anything personally. Whatever it is, it probably isn’t your fault, and it probably isn’t your job to fix it.
D23. Dad Tools for Crying - Use your Dad Tools to conquer the crying.
D24. Just Do It - Everything. Just do it.
D25. New Dad Blues Busters.
D26. Protect & Serve Limits - Protect & Serve, but only to a point.
D27. Fathers don’t Mother.
D28. Dad Zone Maintenance and Upkeep.
Gift Tracker Spreadsheet
Dad tip #9 suggests that you put yourself in charge of the Gift Tracker Spreadsheet (GTS). Busting out this simple tool will show Mama that you are already in Dad Mode and using it well will also be the key to familiarizing yourself with all things Baby. Below is a link to a simple spreadsheet document that you can copy or improve upon to build your own GTS. You will encounter many curious Baby gifts along this journey that range from the ridiculous to the sublime, and using the GTS to track who gave you what when will go a long way to normalizing all of it for you. And don’t forget, Mama will be beaming with love and pride when she sees how strong your Dad Game is going here!
Top 10 List
Dad Tip #10 is my Top 10 list of essential items for Dads. Of course there are way more things that will make your life easier and more fun at various points along the way, but these are my current Top 10 favorites. Have a suggestion to improve the list for other expectant Dads out there? Send me an email to david@welcometofatherhood.com and I might add it to the list!
FYI, there are two honorable mentions that didn’t make the book version of WTF. #1 would be seat back mirrors so that you can see Baby’s face in your rear view mirror angle, and #2 would be Freemie breast pump cups that Mama will find infinitely more comfortable and easier to use than most of the other stuff out there on the market. I’ve included links to these two items below as a bonus for you guys here on the website.
Go Bag
Dad Tip #12 tells you all about your Go Bag and the things to think about putting in there as Baby’s arrival looms on the horizon. I’ve listed my WTF recommendations here for you below and also provided some links to explore for further reading up on what others recommend too. Nothing says better prepared than a solid Go Bag ready and waiting for you in the closet, make sure yours is set up right!
Links
https://www.babylist.com/hello-baby/what-to-pack-in-your-hospital-bag
https://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/checklist/hospital-packing.aspx
https://www.babycenter.com/pregnancy/your-body/packing-for-the-hospital-or-birth-center_185
WTF recommendations
Multiple paper copies of your Birth Plan
Extension cord and power strip
Laptop, charger, and headphones
Bluetooth speaker, charger, and playlists
Phone chargers x 2
Refillable water bottle
Packs of mixable instant coffee and some favorite snacks
Changes of clothes for you and mama, especially comfy shoes
Overnight toiletries bags for you and Mama
Prescription meds, Ibuprofen, and aspirin
Comfy clothes and pajamas for you and Mama
Favorite pillows and blankets from home
Massage oil
Several outfits for Baby
Pediatrician’s contact info
IDs and insurance cards
Power massager
Heated blanket
Anything else that provides physical or emotional comfort
Birth PLan References
As covered in Dad Tip #13, your Birth Plan is going to cover your basic requests and preferences in all the areas that you might have options to consider. Common topics covered include lighting preferences, frequency of cervical checking, if med students are allowed in the room or not, and many other things. I cover most of them pretty thoroughly in WTF, but also wanted to provide some good resources for you to further explore in the below links. Remember, getting better prepared for Baby is just one of our main goals in WTF, so sitting down with Mama to discuss your Birth Plan options hits a home run for the better connected to Mama goal too.
Birth Videos
Dad Tip #15 tells you to get better prepared for Baby by watching a couple videos of real people having real babies in all of its 1080p hi-def glory. Childbirth can be a very dramatic and emotionally powerful experience for all parties involved. You want to make sure that you are ready and willing to do any and everything that Mama needs you to do to help her push on through and get Baby up into her arms, and that’s why your mantra here is to be Attentive, Calm, and Competent all throughout the birthing process. We cover that mantra in specific detail for each stage of childbirth in WTF, but the point here is that fainting, gagging, or otherwise being disturbed by the reality of childbirth is not gonna cut it. So grab a beer, or a bucket if you’re the squeamish type, and strap yourself down and watch some of the amazing and awesome videos of real people having real babies in the links below. Also, FYI, as I mention in WTF, you might not want your first close up exposure of a vagina’s transformation into the birth canal to be Mama’s in the delivery room. A few guys I know are still slightly shaken from their own experience with that moment. Better for you, and Mama, that you walk in to the delivery room having already seen that process and gotten comfortable with how it all looks.
12 video compilation
https://www.care.com/c/stories/4934/12-baby-birth-videos-that-really-prepare-yo/
6 video compilation
https://www.parent24.com/Pregnant/Birth/Orgasmic-birth-river-birth-videos-20130923
3-part series showing early labor too
Baby Tracker
In WTF I mention that one of the most important new Baby health indicators is the frequency of feeding, pooping, and peeing. Nap duration and frequency is important too. These things are will be impossible for you and Mama to accurately keep track of unless you are intentionally making an effort to do so. I mention the Baby Tracker app in the book but also wanted to give you a simple analog spreadsheet as an example to look at too. Both are linked for you here below.
SCARY MOMENTS
There are 5 topics I cover in the book as Scary Moments, sections where I briefly take a slightly more serious approach and tone to the topics at hand. These topics are addressed separately as Scary Moments because they cover some of the specific events and issues that often cause expecting parents the most anxiety and worry during the pregnancy to parenthood journey. I go over each of these in detail in WTF, and also provide further links below to additional resources and support for those who want to learn a little more about them.
SCARY MOMENT #1: MISCARRIAGE
SCARY MOMENT #4: PPD AWARENESS
SCARY MOMENT #5: SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME
Impact and Consequences
https://www.aans.org/en/Patients/Neurosurgical-Conditions-and-Treatments/Shaken-Baby-Syndrome
https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/shaken-baby-syndrome#1
https://www.dontshake.org/family-stories/itemlist/category/15-stories-from-victims-of-sbs
Book References
I reference Dr. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages book as the basis for Big Idea #6 on Mom Comms. It’s a great book that I highly recommend for all couples to read and reflect upon as they seek to deepen their emotional connections. I also reference Dr. Harvey Karp’s book The Happiest Baby on the Block and his 5 S’s of Swaddle, Side-Stomach Position, Shush, Swing, and Suck as great tools to help sooth a crying baby. Both books are linked below if you want to look into them further.
Dr. Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages
Dr. Harvey Karp, The Happiest Baby on the Block (5 S’s)
Additional resources
"Please find here below some links to some great birth professionals, services, and other sources of information that you may find helpful."
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